one of the most anticipated event here in amsterdam is gay parade, a boat parade along one of the main canal. I, myself, is always curios about it. So I was there yesterday, at the start point of the parade, with thousand of people.

The music was loud, each of the boat and even the spectator’s boat turns on their music, people were dancing on and off the boat. the beer keeps flowing from the nearby bar. I was standing in between 2 groups, in front of me was a group of dutch at my age, going crazy about the parade. Their shouts and dance attract the participants. and behind me is couple of oma and opa hahaha……but it was fun, even when of the guy in the crowd decided to pee on the canal, people just laughed. nobody is being hurted. The atmosphere was really joyful, guess I am standing at right spot between these two contradict groups.

on the boat, as expected, the gay people dance with provocative costume, revealing most of their upper body part. what a view! six pack and so so so sexy!….and they’re gay, oh well! they’re just happy and free. In the second boat during the parade, there was a wedding ceremony took place, the groom and groom were saying I do right in front of my spot and then kissed each other passionately. And then a few boats latter, the police’s boat passed throu’ the canal with complete uniform, gay policemen and women. the police and rainbow flags hanged side by side.

Standing there, I was so happy and touched. They are also one of us after all, and should be treated equally. Seeing their happy faces I realized that human are just too judgmental. Maybe being gay is not the normal life according to some people standard, but it is not like you just choose to be gay and that’s it. Most gay people I know are struggling with their existences, proving that being gay is somewhat not a choice one’s happily made. Even in their community itself, it is a struggle. Some gay people looks for a real relationship, a real commitment, which is, so I heard, not very easy to find in the gay community. But right or wrong is not ours to judge.

maybe only in amsterdam being gay is like in heaven. *lebay!

She planned to have summer holiday in my beautiful tropical country, long before summer,even before spring is around the corner.
But I disappointed her because I will not be home in that period of time. I will still be in Amsterdam. She really lost her joy, and I felt so sad.
Now, as there is possibility that I will be home next year, I invited her to come. anytime she likes. She said, ” No, I will definitely come on Summer.”
ah dear, there are no summer in my country. Come anytime you want and you’ll see the sun shining bright and warm above your head.

when life is hard, I question GOD, on what sentiment does HE put me in such misery
when life is good, I question GOD, what trick behind this extraordinary happiness
Oh dear LORD, forgive me!

the draft of an entry has been sitting in the draft folder for weeks, I don’t think I can finish it. Loosing my mood already, but I will keep it store in the folder just in case one day I want to write about the topic again.

so one by one

MJ died. I am sad, really. I never really had an idol, but he is forever my idol. I remember bought the black and white record and sang along over and over. ampe rusak kali tuh kaset. I never really update myself with the publications surrounding his private life, not really interesting for me. For every extraordinary individual,there is always a life beyond any common life. What happened in MJ’s life is what to be expected for such a great talent. oh well….he’s gone to soon.

back to amsterdam now, after a week of vacation to barcelona and swiss. Got the opportunity to watch U2 in Camp Nou with husband and dear friend. This is amazing to me, how life brought us to this point. Not even in my wild imagination, that 3 of us will be in Barcelona watching a spectacular concert together. It’s just us, 3 people bound with love and care, growing up with so little luxury we have made it this far. oh dear, I am being sentimental. Back from barcelona, husband and I heading to Geneve, visiting a friend in Rhone alpes, a region between Mount Jura and Alpen in the border of France and Suiss. When you are far away from home, the warm of having friend and family from home is priceless. Laughing the same old joke and speak common language slang. thank you mbak patty and jean marie for having us. semoga ada rejeki ketemu lg, maybe in rhone alpes, maybe in bali.

in two weeks, we will visit Paris. and after that, back to thesis. and planning the next trip.

they say, ignorance is a bliss. and I could not agree more. unfortunately I am not such person, I always think everything thoroughly. but I am learning…

so here is the deal, my spv is always playing hard to get. whenever I sent email, he did not reply until I met him in his office, and he will say,” ah ya I see that you sent me 2 emails.” wtf,sir! if you saw it already, then please answer me. aneh bukaaaannn?!?!?!?!……….

last week, he sent email saying that we have to contact his secretary to arrange appointments with him for the next month. stupid me did not do that until he sent the second letter. But then I sent email to his secretary right away, 2 times now. and still no answer……edan gila!

I decided to sent him email about this, try to make arrange appointment to him directly. let’s see what will happen. If still he does not answer then I will ignore it and leaving to Italy next week. for ignorance is a bliss, isn’t it?

sometimes I  want to beat up somebody just bcos of  their stupid status on FB. what the hell people!?!?!?!?!?!

a month ago, before my husband came to amsterdam. one of my flatmate asked me about his name, she learnt about his name through my FB and asked me how to pronounce it correctly. She did that bcos apparently I hardly address him by name whenever I talked about him.

that kinda hit me. yes it is true, I never address my husband by name, as third person in a conversation or when I call him. Probably bcos in my culture, it is considered not polite and un-respect to do so. as a wife and a younger person, I should address him with certain title as mas or else.  and also bcos in our daily conversation I always call him, baby or sayang. which is kinda embarrassing to bring it up in the conversation, such as…’yes, my baby works at his own company’….you would not caught me saying that. ever! To my closest friend and family, I still address him as mas hengky, cos they also call him that, and to some other just Hengky if they’re older than me or my husband. But to other friend, such as my flatmate, I will just say ‘my husband’

But I did had hard time addressing him when we first dated 11 years ago, there are many suffixes for older brother or man in Indonesian culture.  Like bang, mas or kak….which all lead to the same meaning. but it is used based on his cultural background, for instances Javanese man should go with ‘mas…’  So here is the problem, I am a Javanese and my husband is Chinese. as Chinese, he should be called ‘koko…’ but he refused that, only his siblings are allowed to call him that. Also bcos I found myself a bit weird calling him that….so I call him ‘mas’….just that, not followed by his name. also bcos I felt that is weird. a javanese suffix followed by a chinese name. no no no……

But then I guess he loved it, so he started using that suffix a lot, as if it is part of his name. If u check my link, his blog is also with mashengky.com. Most of his email also goes with this name. lately some people also follow his lead, creating a blog using mas bla bla bla, and he complained about how people using his trademark.

For me personally, there is no special name for him…I call him suamiku (my husband), baby, sayang,mas, koko, si gendut…..all of that, depending on the situation and context of our conversation. Well, why goes with one if you can have them all….after all you can only have one husband (at one time) to call.

and how he call me? that’s another story to tell.