Selamat Pagi

my confidence hits rock bottom. Gone to the very last drop

on my recent trip to London, I got cold right after landed back in Amsterdam. Damn that city!
In my last 2 days in London, I managed to walked around the city alone on the tube and infamous double decker. Amazing! Amazingly gloomy! No, I don’t mind stroll around the city alone, I even enjoy it very much. But somehow London gave me a depressing feeling, I can not really point one reason why. It could not be the weather, it was quite nice when I was there. Maybe the people and their dull expression. Maybe a lot of worries on my mind.
But no argue on how extravagant London is. A city of arrogant and lifeless building. It is even more arrogant for cheap traveler like me.

I had a serious symptom of growing up. Learn to let go hatred and move on. set aside anger and pride! oh dear what has happened to me? maybe it’s growing old, instead of growing up.

i like my name, a lot. somehow makes me special, I thank my mom for that, I love her even more when I went to doctor here for the first time. he said my name is a common for dutch. what a visionary mother she is.
so now, from time to time, well yes almost most of the time, I am thinking a name for my child, the future one! I want her to have special name, for a girl. I care less if it is a he. well a boy is not supposed to be known for pretty name, right? Right!
but either boy or girl, I want him/her to have a bigger world than me and si ipin (stupid name,hubby!). I imagine he or she will be cruising around the globe more often that either of the parents at the same age. oh well I just have so many dreams….but yet I am still try to convince myself that labor is a piece of cake. a long way to go

Wonder why a woman can turn into a mother and wife, completely forgetting herself. I guess because woman is a noble creature…hem let’s see!

I don’t remember when was the last time I cried like last night. I had so many moments where I felt like hitting the wall, but I never cry. I never knew that I could cry for the pain from hitting the wall. this is new. it was rather painful than relieve, the crying

after the storm, the wind swept me off my feet.

still on this topic….honestly, sometimes I sit on my desk thinking who am I kidding here? you or myself?
honestly, don’t trust me! even I don’t trust me. every time the question appeared, I second question myself for the answer I gave you. But then again, a whisper tells me that it might be you, not just me. it might just be you,bebi
if only you know me better.

I don’t remember signing a lifetime contract on these bitter sweet surprises day to day….geez!

when people starts desire for more and fails to use their own imagination properly, that’s when it turns ugly. the whole fantasy and drama going to drain. such craps they posted on youtube. drama yo drama!!!!!!!!!!!