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a story about a friend

diahtantri — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 06:35:29 +0000

I have known her for almost 12 years now, she was in my class for undergraduate study. During many classes we took together, seems like we never really hang out together. I saw her occasionally. But that was enough to get to know her.
She is 7th child (perhaps) of 11. her dad received secondary education from UK but stays loyal to his profession as religious teacher, something she was so proud about.
Me, personally, always fascinated by her. I remember little bits of our everyday interaction that was really amazed me. One day I met her carrying groceries to prepare Soto, and she said,” I still don’t know how to cook Soto, but already bought the ingredients. heck, I’ll find out later.” that was just too crazy for me, but hats off to her boldness. She is a crazy combination of humble, curiosity and bold. Something else I remember of her is her golf shoes. One day she went to campus wearing that, not knowing that it was in fact a man’s golf shoes. another friend recognized that, and pointed it out to her. oh I hate my friend for doing that, really, no need of doing that. Coming from a simple family, off course she didn’t have much to grow up with, but enormous amount of her parent’s wisdom and intellectual.

Despite all that, she went on with her education to Australia and eventually in US. Received an international scale scientific recognition, to stand tall together with women in science all over the world.

She came along way from her day of wearing golf shoes, I saw her in presentation with designer dresses and fancy watches. People transforms. When I saw her pictures today, I took a long look at her hands; I saw hardworking and persistence, also a symbol of achievement. She has came to a life-full circle of tough times and high achievement.

Comparing to us who had life easy, our transformation would not be as gracious. Life was good, and will always be. in a way it’s a flat line. You will not see such transformation. I was really shocked and touched this morning after seeing her photo in Facebook, how people changes has always amazed me. Looking forward to see her again, to see how she still also stay the same.

Dear baby

diahtantri — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 05:30:43 +0000

welcome to our life,baby. we can hear your heartbeat already.
amongst all these chaos in our life nowadays, it’s rather difficult to fell your happy existence in our life. But I am pretty sure in the next few months you will force us to share our life with you.
Give us time, dear baby. we take one step at a time to include you in our plan.
Happy is not the word to describe how we feel. Confuse is.
You, dear baby, are too precious for careless (future) parent like us. So let us learn.
But, on behalf of your dad too, let me tell you. You’ll have the most awesome parent in the world, rest assure.

don’t let yourself down

diahtantri — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 05:22:30 +0000

You can not let yourself down. A smart creature who has superiority to overcome oneself must stand taller and be wiser.
disappointment over disappointment, one finds vulnerability when hopes and expectations are violated by other.
But for a superior being, vulnerability is just another bad day to go by.
I am no superman, nor wonder woman. But for sure, I know that I am a superior being, comparing to my far cousin the chimps. :d

into other’s life

diahtantri — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 10:04:20 +0000

looking into other people life always gives you a sheer of envy. coz what they say is, the grass is always greener on the other sides.

I read too many blogs, too many gossips. should stop.
at the end of the day, I am just very grateful that I sleep next to the person who I love dearly, and love me unconditionally. dunno why I resort myself to such simple happiness, am I getting old?

the sacrifice

diahtantri — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 11:23:18 +0000

I saw her disappointed eyes from the side mirror after hearing my plan to study abroad. The word America sounds so far away for her, she only said,” berapa tahun mau disana?” we replied,” sekitar 4 tahun lah,ma.” and she sighted. I understand how difficult this news for her, she must’ve imagined how she would parted with her son for such a long time. not to mention that she, perhaps, would not see any grandchildren from us anytime soon.

“tapi ya tetep penting punya rumah to nduk.” that was my mom remarks, always, almost every time we met. She tried hard to understand how we love to travel and put aside the necessity to own a house.

I understand how I wish for the world has been such a sacrifice for both of our mom. People kept asking about grandchildren, about our live in here. and yet, they can not answer firmly that questions.

Here, in a society where the whole village is your close relatives, a man is never an island. a household is never an independent country. The only reason, we don’t get a lot of criticism from the elders, and the whole village is bcos I am always at ready-to-fight-my-right position.

dear mothers, thank you…your understanding is beyond this world. the best gift you ever give us, in this lifetime.

covering myself

diahtantri — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 11:00:41 +0000

I let myself under the blanket this week, to afraid to peek outside. you can’t see the blanket? oh ya, it’s more like a visibility blanket. you can’t see it but I definitely can feel it.
I am just not ready to face this. I can’t be more prepare to see my grandma lying weak in bed, not able to walk around, read or do anything that she used to love to do. It’s just too sad, too heartbreaking.
I am not ready to start another days of work my ass off in postgrad. doing phd. despite all the offer and opportunity, I found myself in the doubt. Just felt so weak.
I really don’t know what to decide at this point.
totally stupid!

picture perfect

diahtantri — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 00:23:37 +0000

how do you feel when you see a picture perfect, portraying everything you wish you had in life? don’t cry,ever. just a sign of weakness. totally lame.
For me, I cannot help to think that there are somethings in life that’s just not your choice. you never choose your parents, never choose whether to be born as a cute baby girl or a cry baby boy.
and complaining about all that is also lame.
darn! isn’t a lot to ask from a person?
you can always say,’ just tough it up!” but after how many times those words become so cliche?
so freaking cliche!!!
but deep down you know it’s true. no other choice than tough it up. well, you can always sit still and do nothing, but then it’s more like waiting to die. which can be a long long long waiting……such a waste.

hello

diahtantri — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 06:53:59 +0000

hello! I thought radith to say that,” hello!” he never failed to brighten our days, even Hengky fell in love with him. Yesterday he sang an “almost” complete song of Balonku. and I notice how hengky looked so proud. can’t … Continue reading →

my desk

diahtantri — Sun, 16 Jan 2011 04:09:15 +0000

I am working on a paper for monday deadline this weekend. I have my two laptops, BB and ipod on the desk. Enough to keep me occupied.
But the little steps and screams of our neighbor’s 2 year old boy can always distract me anytime. He is just adorable.
This morning I broke down in frustration to his mother as she just ignored him alone, while she was busy doing something else. Can’t help to think that I might be a better mother for him, at least I can provide him with enough food and stuffs.
But looking at my desk, I stumble to the fact that I can only provide part of my time, love and devotion. I gave away my heart to something else long ago
maybe my own baby will change everything? Maybe

lately

diahtantri — Fri, 03 Dec 2010 07:02:36 +0000

I need to get it out my system. fast!

about an old friend.
by coincidence, I found out that she has been divorced for over 9 months, for the second time. I’ve been so ignorant about this, that she blamed me for not paying attention about her. I can’t even begin to imagine how she must have felt. When you don’t strike at the first try, consider yourself in bad luck. But when the second try also hit the gutter, you starts to feel like an idiot. But what shocked me the most is the reason of the divorce. Her husband simply said that he wants a better wife, better in terms of religiously. and find himself in the arms of another woman shortly after the divorce.
oh Dear Lord, please don’t let this joke happen to me. I will confuse whether to cry or laugh.
And I felt even sorry for my dear friend, how can a woman be so under-appreciate in her own marriage? under what law and perspective that a man has the right to make such judgment.
Something is going very wrong in the man’s world, especially that man!

on getting Ph.D
I felt like there are so many hands trying to help me. Pulling me to so many directions. and I am just confused.

on the boss
oh crap!