it has been over a month now since I went home on December. The first few weeks was actually horrible, I was tortured with guilty and disappointment. I am not completely over that, nor can I say that I will ever be in future. It might still haunt me for years to come. But life moves on and I decided to just live on. Like everybody does.

The question now is whether it was a life changing experience. Well, people says you learn from your mistakes and I can assure myself that it is an absolute truth. I should say now that I learn from my failure. But for the rest of the stuffs, it was not so much.

For me personally, when I arrived in amsterdam for the first time I don’t feel like jumping on and off with excitement. and that goes on during my days there. same happened when I arrived back home. just normal life as usual. I am so numb, damn!