on my way home

on the last morning before heading to the airport, I took a last glance to the unit. whisper a silent good bye. everybody was still sleeping, only Paulina awake for her routine study. I will miss the unit, for sure. For the people I knew during 1,5 years of my stay. For the laugh and gossip we share together. I closed one chapter of my life, I knew that’s an end for myself. It had been difficult last few weeks in the unit, mostly bcos of my thesis. Sometimes I just sit on my chair holding a cup of tea and looked outside the window, telling myself that tomorrow will not be the same and I should prepare myself. On the day when the weather is horrible with howling wind and constant rain, I feel safe and alone. Rarely does the horrible weather make me think of warm weather back home. maybe I was too busy. On the way to the departure gate, I think of Bob and try to find words to tell him how grateful I am to have him across the hall. sometime I couldn’t catch up with words he said, or even to understand. But our chat in front of the house is always good times. Good friends, over a cigarette. I sent the message right before boarding and received his reply soon after that. my final good bye, also a good bye to my single life. that night at my seat, I couldn’t stop my tears for hours. I feel very sad, very disappoint about myself. But can not point out one clear reason why, maybe it’s a mix of all the things I had tried to accept without letting myself to get effected too much. at most cases, it was to accept and move on. at that time, being alone I finally able to digest all those one by one. the last words my spv had told me the day before, my last cigarette with Bob and Paulina, my silent goodbyes.