on hold

In the last a month, I’ve been juggling to finish my writing for master thesis. wake up to bunch of plan and worry in my head. even go to bed still thinking how would I analyse this and that. But yesterday I decided to stop for while, a day or two. just to take a step away from my writing for a while, maybe then I got a different angle of what I have been writing.

For the first few hours, I was beyond happiness, watched the office in rally, tracing back Jim and Pam story. Then after that, I was left with nothing..suddenly I felt that nothing interests me anymore. so boring to the point where I was not even tired enough to go to bed. So looked at the book besides my laptop, grab it and start reading. verification for qualitative data analysis. Put my favorite drama on, and start reading. Finish one chapter and then I am sleepy.

amazing how I can always train myself to obey the regularity of my mind. how it goes in my brain is that I always arrange my brain to only deal with one thing at the time, for quite a long period until I am finished. I did not allow too many distraction. just one at the time. During husband’s visit, It was hell for me trying to concentrate to my thesis. So I just drop it and enjoy his company during the 3 months he was here. Few days before going home, he said,” I am going home now and you must be very happy, coz you can go back to your busy life again. busy with yourself.” Apparently he knew that I enjoy me time too much, and juggling between wife and student is not my area of expertise. *shy

But this habit started to bother me now, cos I want to have a baby and starting my PhD at the same time. Am I greedy? oh dear no! I am just running out of time. I want to have baby and PhD before turning 35….oh wait, yes I am greedy. dear husband if only you know I would be like this, maybe you’ll think hundreds of time before take me down the aisle.